quote of the day

life goes on, even after the thrill of living is gone.

lywical bwundew awawd

if you had a babwa wawtews-like pwobwem pwonouncing r's & l's, don't you think you'd pick a song w/out too many of them? a song as dissimilar as possible to, say, "wet the good times woah"?

i mean, seriously (mostly):

...wet the good times woah;

wet them push you awound.

wet them weave you up in the aiw;

wet them bwush youw wock & woah haiw...

quote of the day

"sometimes when you win, you actually lose, & sometimes when you lose, you actually win, & sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie, & sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose."

question of the day

if a light bulb's burned out, & you turn on the switch, does it still use electricity?

quote of the day

"if i lay my head in the road, i won't have to get up in the mourning."

--deerfoot (circa 1996)

top5 revised

and honourable mention:

joke of the day

didja hear the one about the lactose intolerant guy?

dogmatic statement of the day

i'm so witty. so very, very witty.

question of the day

what is the proper pronunciation of quixotic?

horribly funny one-liner of the day

so, when you bring cups inside for refills, you're supposed to leave the lids & straws outside, to avoid cross-contamination, kay?

yeaterday, someone didn't do that. i said, "why are all those straws in here, spreading germs all over my store?" then, as i saw the customers for whom she was refilling the cups, i added, "& they're black, too!"

to which my (african-american) employee retorted, "black people ain't no dirtier than white people."

i replied, "that's true. you know, they say black people's mouths are cleaner than humans."

i know it wrong, but i'm fighting laughter right now. seriously, there are tears in my eyes. not that i'm in any way prejudiced or racist. farther from it than you can imagine. i once kicked a good friend out of my apartment for insisting on calling someone a "chink."

but it did seem a little meaner than i wanted to be, so i apologized before she had a chance to yell @ me. then i found a dime on the floor, & magnanimously offered it to her, for reparations.

i'm sorry, guys. really, i am. but i'm still laughing on the inside. not b/c i'm racist; i'm just mean, i guess.

quote of the day

sometimes you kick;

sometimes you get kicked.

mis-applied word disection of the day

presume
makes a pre of su and me.

blunder of the day

don't you hate it, when you have to try 3 or 4 times to get an email to send? what's even worse is when, on the 4th try, you finally get it to go through, only to find that the 3rd attempt was successful, as well. oops. how embarassing.

top 5 dilemna

so, i was planning to download a picture of each of my top 5 celeberities. next to the likes of catherine zeta-jones, penelope cruz, salma hayek & the 2nd oldest sister on "related," (kiele sanchez), gilmore mom looks downright plain. but she's so witty, & quirky! i don't know, though. i'm sure i could come up w/ someone hotter, but doesn't she deserve a spot for how cool she is? maybe honourable mention?

top 5 cover songs of all time

#1] "blinded by the light," by thin lizzie
#2] "born to run," by melissa etheridge
#3] "live & let die," by guns n' roses
#4] "i will always Love you," by whitney houston
#5] "knockin' on heaven's door," by eric clapton

childhood mispronunciation of the day

i used to call it "farmer john cheese." parmesan wasn't in my vocbulary, so i substituted the closest words i knew.

knock-knock joke of the day

mary: knock knock.
daddy: who's there?
mary: babana.
daddy: banana who?
mary: babana you!
(45 seconds of hiysterical laughter, then)
mary: knock knock.
daddy: who's there?
mary: babana.
daddy: banana who?
mary: babana you!
(repeat several hundred times, laughing longer & louder w/ each repetition.)

irony of the day

wouldn't you expect a song about irony to actually include examples thereof? rain on your wedding day isn't ironic; it's actually considered good luck. a green light when you're already late? also not ironic. now, if the green light made you late, that'd be ironic. once you're late, a green light is meaningless. it's not even luck (good, or bad).
irony is the guy who gets shot, & credits his assailant w/ saving his life. seems he had an undetected cancerous tumor, which never would've been found if he hadn't been in the ER that day. that's irony.

weed of the day

the dandelion. i just Love dandelions. their name is actually derived from the french, "dan de lion," meaning, "lion's mane." and they weren't considered weeds in europe, where they were cultivated. they were brought to the new world &, like everyone else, Loved it so much, they decided to stay.

now, they just hang around on a warm breeze. i could use a warm breeze. i guess i'll have to find some dandelions; that's where the breezes always blow.

yes, ranting, i know. to bed w/ me, then. & it's about time.

tough-guy phrase of the day

"if ya wanna bring beef, ya better serve it well done!"

theatrical score of the day

"imperial march," from star wars. (also my boss' ringtone on my cell phone.)

quote of the day

"leave the girl alone; she was only punched by one country."